God, i thank you for healing the emotional pain and memories these few days .
Because of you, i'm able to pull through everything .
Dreams that are not planted by you and by the devil .
Memories that are haunting me and i've tried to get rid of them, but only you whom can do so .
Sometimes, i've been thinking what on earth am i here for ?
But God, you've just given me the answers yesterday .
This breakup is definitely a calling from you, and is also definitely a wake up call .
Lord, take me deeper then i've been before .
Take me deeper that i long for .
Take me higher that i've been before .
Jesus, i want more, Jesus i need more .
I need more of you Jesus, more of you & your strength .
Because of this breakup, i'm definitely not turned on by guys and relationship .
Though the devil has been tempting me with guys texting me, asking me for numbers however, because i believe in your strength and that is why i am able to shook them off .
I've learnt from Pastor Jiancong and i really thank him for that preach last Sunday's service .
Why should i give everything to someone who does not have the same goal, same target as me and let the relationship take control of everything and get emotionally hurt .
Instead, my calling should be focussing on you God, and not any other man .
Because only You, whom will not harm me, and we have the same goal and target .
I really thank you for giving me such great friends, seniors, shepards and family members for being there for me and giving me moral and spiritual support during this period of toughness .
I've learnt something from this, " when we decides to let go of something that do not belong to us, we have something more then it takes . When we decides to cling onto something that do not belong to us, what it takes is the unnececcery emotional pain that takes time to subdue it . "
What pains and troubles me the most is that, Saturday after cell when i've decided to repent before you God, i went out drinking, sheesha-ing and smoking . Next morning, i was struggling whether or not to go for service . However in the end i did .
I cried before you God, i repentted before you God and now i want to do something that will ease this trouble and pain away .
Which is, i've decided to give a small "preach" on Thursday to the god chasers in KC about you, about your calling and about the purpose in life .
I've never done this before, but i have the sudden urge to do it .
Is it because you're motioning to me that this is one of my callings ?
As what Cheryl said, each step we are taking, is a step towards our future .
I want to save KC, i want to save other people .
Even if i wasn't given the opportunity to be incharge of the outreach when the seniors graduate next year, i still want to bring in more people, and giving tem spiritual support that they may need .
I've decided to let go of everything and focus on you God .
I don't want to let these memories keep haunting me and hurting me .
I don't want to cry over spilt milk because what's done is done .
I don't want to have anything involve with ( ) during the period of time & just let me focus in you .
I don't want to hear news from people about ( ) and start to have the emotional hurt all over again .
I want you, I want more of you .
I want to let these memories be kept somewhere which i will never remember .
I want to accept the calling .
I want to move on with you .
I want to focus on you .
I want to hear more of you instead of ( ) .
I want to be spiritually strong .
I want you to guard my heart deeply .
Lord, Take me deeper, Take me further, Take me higher then i've been before .
Also, please help Junlin to clear his doubts about you, allow him to be spiritually strong and also morally strong, and clear his hurt, clear everything that hurts and troubles him, let him annoint you even more, and also please do make him come for this Wednesday cell outing because i know starting from that day, you'll be able to talk to him further more, able to guide him further more, able to guard his heart . God, you're powerful . And i know Junlin is one of the chosen ones . (:
Praise you Lord :) .
